I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
