I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
