I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
