we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
