go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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