I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
