If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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