You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
too bad you live with your parents still
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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