wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
