as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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