I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
