We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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