I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
