Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
