I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
