You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
