Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
