She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
