you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
