Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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