between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
