i love accidental penises.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
