i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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