dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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