Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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