You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
