tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
