drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
