I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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