I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
