i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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