I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
