shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
