girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
