At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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