Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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