Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
