Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
