Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
