Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
