sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize