Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
