Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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