from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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