Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
