Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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