just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
