There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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