I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why do cheetos always look like penises
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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