The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
