If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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