i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
