I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
