Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
