Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
