so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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