okay pat passed out under dana's car
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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