He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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