I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
