so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
