i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The beer is more important than you right now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
