No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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