you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
