so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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